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Walk in Beauty ~ I Am That I Am ~
All Is One
The same old cycles of blame and stubbornly staying removed and with excuses to "not do" are in my face. Said OW and hurt himself SO many time over the weekend when there was so much stuff to do and he avoided. Damon was here to help.

I am working diligently to remain peaceful and happy in myself and find a sense of FUN... not doing as well as I'd like with the on-going behaviors.

Jack claims to be so happy with himself. That's fine. Just not appreciative of me and that's not ok with me anymore. I need a match for my self love.

He continues to stay mired in his issues... and then displaces his shit onto me doing something bad to him. If I am moody, he takes it personally but will not go there to acknowledge that.

I'm tired, so very tired. I need to be able to find rest in myself and in my home.
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And would wish that she had more energy than I do some days!

Much is needing harvesting already to make the most of the gardens. I have so much, so much every one who visits leaves with armfuls of edibles... I would love to be making Flower Essences from all that is blooming.

Sun Protection Lotion has become such a popular product I have to get another batch made pronto. I am very excited about this one since I have a new ingredient I will add that should make it ever more effective while staying perfectly chem free and natural. The new ingredient sources from an algae and is an all natural sun protection agent. I will also take it orally to test it beforehand. Quite the complicated formula, I need to get the goji berries infusing, the herbs solarizing and checking supply inventory to see if I have all the ingredients ready to go. Once everything is prepped and ready it all happens in a day but there is much time before and after creating it & bottling that is needed for stabilizing & testing. I don't want to run out!

I also have much to do towards making the Sacred Circle Salve, also  in demand and also a complicated formula requiring lots of herbal preparing. Fortunately all the herbs are burgeoning in the gardens and fields and ready to be harvested fresh and used in the formula. I love love love this one! I retired all my other salves (except New Mexico Trementina, the traditional Pinon Sap salve, so loved in the highlands of NM) since this one is so wonderful for nearly everything. Thank you Irina!~ Your inspiration helped birth this one...

I have often said Walk in Beauty is its own entity has a life of it's own and I'm just the steward for these things to happen through me.

It will be hot enough today after PT to go swimming.. yay! I'll prolly go in my own pool instead of the lake with all the weekend busyness & boats starting...  I got a dipping pool in the back yard and haven't been in it yet! Today will be the maiden swim!

To keep abreast of things... I could spend more time researching (which I love), more with marketing (which I don't love at ALL so don't do), more preparing the herbal concoctions (love) and more getting physical space organized (don't love but need it and feel great when It's done!)

Most importantly I use Walk in Beauty as a practice. When I walk in beauty, the love, joy and harmony spreads and that is one tiny way I can change the world... my world and anyone else's I have contact with anyway! 

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Current Mood: creative creative

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This morning I received a rude anonymous post to a response I made here on LJ.  It seemed pointless and like a hard kick to the ribs especially since I'm already in a pretty emotionally vulnerable kind of place these days.

Since it was anonymous, it seemed particularly useless in making a point that was viable. It's possible the person is someone I've never connected with. It could also be a 'Friend' and so I am culling my list of those who I haven't had connection with recently in order to increase my sense of privacy since I do share openly. I don't intend to hurt anyones feelings but sense the need to pull in some.

Current Mood: disappointed disappointed

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Mojito time.... I blended it today as an experiment and I'm not sure it's better. I like the slushiness but not sure the lime & mint blended is as good as a little minty piece floating into a lime-tart mouthful. Refreshing anyway and it's a hotter day (80-ish degrees) with a dry wind. When I walked down to the neighbors to feed her cats, I felt glad to be walking along the road with the sky clear blue, no cars going by and the air so divine smelling... just like I remember the air to smell when we'd camp in the mountains in Colorado years ago.

I washed all the sheets and towels and hung them out. I hope they hold that amazing smell that makes me feel like vacation in the high mountains.

I've been at loose ends today not able to settle down to anything really. Doodled around the gardens, groomed the water lilies, picked seedpods, watched lizards, spied on the turtles as they snatched their shrimp off the log (finally saw them!), picked roses to dry... that kind of stuff. Nothing very productive. Didn't even feel inspired to take pictures altho' the flower gardens are incredible with new blooms popping out everywhere.

The lotion samples are ready to take to the gift store but I'm held up with no car yet. I did find out it was the timing belt that broke (I meant to get a new one last year... These kinds of  things have a way of just leaving my mind when I need to remember.) It will cost at least $800 (edit: $1,100.00   aargh..!) and that's if the engine wasn't damaged in the process... I find out this afternoon.

So I need to go outside and check on the birds (we had expected our new chicks today... maybe Thursday instead) or down to the studio after my break (break from what?) and do something productive even if I just organize some shelves.

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Current Mood: restless restless

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I don't think this is only PMS. Certainly it may factor in but... for 2 days I've been weepy, withdrawn & sad. I'm not surprised at the intensity with this conjunction in Aquarius between Neptune, Jupiter & Chiron. Such a potent combination, expanding and revealing the Wound. Usually equipped with an arsenal of escape mechanisms to avoid feeling the feelings connected with the Wound, I feel helpless as this conjunction renders all mostly ineffectual. I keep trying some of the favorites, the best distractions I've designed to not feel that horribly uncomfortable place. But no amount of emotional eating, sleeping, reading, compulsively cleaning, exercising, staying busy, meditating seems to lessen the underlying feelings. I just hurt. Some old deep festering is erupting. I'm letting go. I just don’t want to keep stuffing it down no matter how uncomfortable as it leaves. 

I’m exhausted. My head has a funny headache that has been getting worse all day. I’m almost ready to take a pill. Oh yes, the little pill that I take to make the migraine pain go away. And which I avoid as often as possible since it makes me feel very very good and I don’t want to get too used to it. 

Today I realize I need to find the humor in all of this somehow. And considering that this conjunction is here to stay for quite a while I may as well have fun while it’s reaming me out. I have sincerely been asking for many years to get cleared out to become the best vessel for healing I can be. So here’s the opportunity. As uncomfortable as it is, it’s what's called for. This conjunction is yet another opening of the evolutionary directive of our age. Like when the dinosaurs finally had to evolve or die…

I made a delicious new treat for myself after working in the greenhouse/garden. A virgin Mojito with 2 kinds of fresh mint and sparkling water with Agave Nectar and a Lime! (I added Emergence C Lite) It was so yum. Then I wanted more… and blended frozen rasp & blackberries, added more sparkling water, a squirt of Agave and with the leftover mint, it’s yum, too. More please…

Others must be feeling these energies, too. It's pretty overwhlmeing… I’m thankful to have the astrological overview to help me understand. Somehow all this trip drama with Jack & his ex- has stimulated an eruption. I've felt really deeply wounded beyond what just this scenario should/would cause.

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Current Mood: indescribable very odd

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A year ago my friends son was executed. Yesterday we had a memorial service since last year she just couldn't handle it. She is much better this year and the gathering was actually a party.

I'm not a good party girl. I'm awkward and easily bored by most small talk & party conversations. Especially when people are rattling on and on about doom and gloom type of conspiracy talk which is ever-popular it seems & I find immensely useless and fear-mongering. If I'm going to live in a story and fantasy I'd rather have it be fun and uplifting at least.

I picked a huge bouquet of flowers from the garden and made a dish that was quite a hit, surprisingly. Big handfuls of basil, Garlic chives and tons of chard chopped finely with onion, added to cooked brown rice, eggs and a bit of cheese. Simple & really yum...

We've been having lots of fun lately and enjoying the flow of life we've grown into. Then just this week something difficult came up concerning Jacks ex-wife who is also one of his oldest and best friends. She is not in a relationship and looks to Jack as her closest person with long  phone calls (fortunately for me, she is far away) and daily emails. This has been something I've adjusted to over time but when it comes to her expecting him to take a trip with her again, I buckle. 

She has a whole plan for a summer vacation with him (we don't have one planned!) and he feels obligated to go... and admittedly does want to have time to be with her either visiting her in her home or taking a trip... They have taken a trip together before while we've been together and it was a disaster when she visited here.

I do not begrudge the relationship. I don't worry about them being intimate/sexual. In the past when he's visited her for long periods to help her move or fix her house or whatever, I don't feel happy. Likewise, I really don't feel happy with him going on a trip with her. So we've been dealing with how to deal with all of this.. He's moping around.  I'm sad & confused about the best thing to do... I 'm usually very agreeable at my own expense and I have such mixed feelings this time...  This is messing with me.

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Current Mood: indescribable indescribable

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Let's see if I can shrink these long & rather tedious events of the week....

Saturday. Returning from Santa Fe with groceries, Honda girl putts to a stop. Try everything. Nope. Hitch a ride to town. Borrow friends car. Drive back 45 minutes with new battery in the dark. Nope. Unpack groceries at 10:30. Sunday. Tow car. Jack works on it all day. Nope. Tow to repair place. Death in their family. Maybe soon...

I'd rather have my car on the blink than be without water. It's all relative and I happily remain calm.

And the first one....

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Current Mood: indescribable indescribable

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I lost my best friend. Yesterday I was called upon by several friends in need so was not fully with his presence. I had planned on spending some meditative time with his memory, his spirit, maybe try to contact his essence as I have other years.. but I was mostly numb... Until this morning. I woke up with a bad headache and the feelings came over me in oceanic waves and tears flowed & flowed.. I miss him. I miss him still, more with each year it seems.

I talked with both of the kids yesterday both feeling sad and very aware it was the day 7 years ago that they lost their dad. I cried for them losing the one man in the world who adored them completely. They've been floundering in some ways ever since.  And growing into their adulthood without him has been a hardship in some ways which I know well since I grew up without my mother after I was 20. In some ways there are blessings that they may be able to see later. I did tho' it was hard to get there to see it for a long time.

Jesse was a beautiful person who genuinely loved people and they loved him. He cared about them and did what he could to serve others always. He was a wonderful father whose children adored him. He was smart, funny, creative, generous, entertaining, gifted in so many ways, intensely passionate, a shaman in his own right and someone I learned so much from and with whom I grew up and into the important role of parenthood. I am blessed to have had him as a partner for the 15 years we shared... I thank him for his beauty, life and love!

Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic

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Here's the note I just sent to those of you I had email addresses for in my computer.. so I'll post here, too, in case I missed some.. thank you!

I’m sending this to you as someone who is a tried & true supporter of Walk in Beauty products in order to ask your opinion on a matter I'm faced with. Being a small cottage industry, it’s important to me that you continue to be pleased with the products you’ve grown to enjoy and that I can provide them for you.

Every so often I need to replenish my container inventory. I have a wonderful array of suppliers who I’ve discovered over the years and I’ve always been able to procure what I’ve needed.

Suddenly I’m finding every one of my suppliers of the 2 ounce glass jars I use are either out of business or not carrying these anymore. The substitutes they offer are not the flatter shape I’ve always liked and what they do offer are only available in a tall shape and are more expensive. I've also exhausted all my search strategies for finding new containers with no luck.

I have enjoyed using the glass jars for the Gaia Protection Creams and some of the salves. Now I am faced with a decision of whether to go with a rather awkward-shaped glass jar or a preferably shaped (and priced) plastic jar. I am trying very diligently to not have to increase my prices at a time when all my supplies and shipping rates are going up so I prefer to not have to increase the prices due to these glass jars.

I would appreciate a little feedback about this situation since your preferences do guide me in my decisions about the products.

Do you definitely prefer to keep getting the products in glass jars even if the price would go up and the jars are a taller shape?

Would you be ok with a clear plastic jar in a similar shape to what you’ve been getting?

Would you prefer a colored plastic jar in the taller kind of shape?

If I decide to use plastic containers, for those of you who definitely prefer your products in glass, I’d suggest you keep your glass containers and decant any new products you get into your sterilized glass jar upon arrival. (Since I do prefer glass, this is what I’ll do)

I know some of you prefer the PET plastic jars for their ability to easily travel in a purse or pocket so for you, no problem. If you would let me know, I’d appreciate it.

If it’s not relevant to you or to the products you get from me, don’t bother with a response. I do appreciate your feedback as I’m doing what I’m doing because you like it enough to keep me in business!

Blessings and thank you for everything! May you Walk in Beauty!

Peace, Namaste,

http://Walk-in-Beauty.net   ~Healing Your Skin ...Naturally!

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Current Mood: full fine

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The gardens are happy and growing lushly. So many flower buds are ready to pop with some warm sun.

Twice this week the folks in town got heavy shooter marble-sized hail several inches deep... which decimated everything in their gardens and took down tons of leaves from the trees. Very sad but at least it's early enough they can replant and/or things will regrow.

Mercury went direct today... It will be nice to have things moving forward again. Maybe now I'll be able to get on with projects.Things have been noticeably slowed down, even halted for this interim. I like it when Mercury goes retrograde when I can give into the drifty, random internal way of doing things which can be nice when I just let go of the ' to do list' kind of mentality.

I've been hanging out in the gardens most days this week & spending time with Jack as he finishes turkey quarters. Everyday I've been dealing with finding some baby plant flat on the ground... cutworms chomping off the stems of some vigorous brussel sprouts, tomatos, chard and broccoli plants. Fortunately I have lots of extra replacements in the greenhouse but am always bummed when they get mowed down. I made little cardboard collars for some of the new plantings.

The new cistern is in the works! It will be 5' tall above ground and 10' across and will hold about 2800 gallons. How nice to have more water for all the new gardens in the back...

Matilda TurkeyPenstemon & Clematis ready to popFirst picture of Tilly

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Current Mood: peaceful peaceful
Current Music: somewhere by within temptation

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Please listen and/or read this. Paul Hawken has been a powerful teacher for me for decades. Here he is at his best! With a vital message...


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Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

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It seems I've been on another planet! This is the first time I've had a moment to get on and thank my good friends here who remembered my birthday is such creative ways! Thank you so much for remembering me and taking the time. Your well-wishing must have worked since I had a fabulous birthday and have been having a great time ever since.

Jack lavished me all day on Friday. We headed out in the morning for brunch at one of our favorite cafes,
La Risa, on the way to Santa Fe. He stopped anywhere I wanted and bought me every single thing I wanted... OK, so I'm pretty easy as I mostly just want to go to Nurseries and get plants and bulbs, no diamonds or anything :)  and he had me get every thing I even looked at and liked! It was sooo fun... I came home with several flats of plants.

Then he took me to Albuquerque (another hour away) to eat Thai Food and go to the pet store where they had TURTLES!!! And we got Red-Eared Sliders. They are so cool... Tillie & Tolly. Tillie escaped from her box on the way home and they stayed in the sink overnight. They’re now happily situated in the cistern pond with about 20+ goldfish, shebunkins & comets, a snake or 2 and a big ole sunning log to crawl up on and sun! They’re shy so by the time I sneak up and see them sunning, they scurry off the log & plop in so I may not get any pictures of them.

We've been in the garden doin’ stuff… a big new strawberry bed and getting ready to start the new Squash area and build the Turkey Coop.  Those little turkeys are so cute and getting big and trying to get out of their box... ready to go out in the world. They are so funny when I give them their sprouts and greens in the morning they get so excited and just jump up and down flapping their wings…worth a video!

I’ve been juicing every day and feeling good energy from it and the time (all day mostly) I spend outside... I love spring!

I’ve had some body challenges lately as I have more energy and ambition than I have body capability sometimes. With Saturn on my South Node in the 6th house and Pluto conjuncting my Chiron I am meeting some of their particular brand of teaching, often not easy wake-up call type of lessons. With Pisces directly affected, I’m having my feet and ankles give me problems. Sometimes I just need to stop whatever I’m doing and get my feet up and/or rubbed with Arnica. Lotsa body stuff… sheesh.. not my best area to find patience!

Next: Time to make Jack's muffins.. they are so delish he loves to eat them every day with lunch.. really purely energetically good!


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Current Mood: peaceful peaceful

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Salmon Faverolle and Americauna chicks with Betsey, the surrogate mom, our pretty Columbian Wyandotte.

Current Mood: satisfied satisfied

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Tuesday we had such a great day at Ojo Caliente!   http://ojocalientesprings.com/resort.php

I've never been to the Springs when the mud bath was open. We baked like turtles. And I swam and swam in the chlorine-free cool pool, my first refreshing swim of the season. All the baths felt delicious and people were pleasant.

Then we picked up our new chicks. I am SO excited that they had Salmon Faverolles. I have always wanted to have a few and they are difficult to find. I got 2 and 3 Ameracaunas which have created a happy little family under Betsey, our mellow Columbian Wyandotte. She had been sitting for over  3 weeks and took the babies as her own even tho' none of the eggs she was sitting on hatched.

Then yesterday we stopped after our eye appointment in Santa Fe to pick up our turkey poults. They are so adorable and live in the brooding box we made that fits in the house greenhouse so they stay nice & warm and we can hear them peeping.

Starting eeearly this morning I've been moving between checking on the turkeys, watching Betsey and her chicks, watering both greenhouses (warm!) and gardens, transplanting baby plants, gathering palnts for the plant exchange the Barter Community is having tomorrow and I just had to sit here and have a tea and cool down. It's not even noon and 81 degrees. Fruit trees are blooming, bees covering them and it looks like we WILL have fruit this year! yay!~

Ok, ready to get back to planting out tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflour, lettuce & mizuna. Tomorrow & this weekend we'll do the strawberry bed, and create the new melon & squash cloches.

Will find time to take pics soon....

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Current Mood: chipper chipper

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As spring burgeons, so waking up to a new flow of movement!

In the morning, I pull back the curtain to see which birds are perched at the cistern edge, drinking, which new blossoms may have opened, which plants may have emerged and if the bluebirds are building their nest.

The cacophony of bird music in the trees around the feeders, hummin' flashes of color zipping in & around, and gentle cooing of doves all fill me with a heart opening that is about the amazing cycle of life... always renewal.

Days have been about dipping into internal spaces, dealing with circuitry that is asking to be cleared in the light of Chiron, Pluto, Saturn and the Sun as my annual birth celebration draws near. Then emerging outward to bring out summer clothes, clean up outside after winter and meet with the women who come to talk, laugh and get the next round of Self-Care Regimen for their faces and bodies.

I love this role of serving women who are nurturing themselves with the goodness & purity of the products. I appreciate the stewardship and today begin to amp up again in production so I can keep up providing these salves & creams that are flying out 3 at a time! Overwhelmed? An inkling at times... and then realize it's all in accord and I'll be able to keep up. So far, so good. Today is about getting back in the groove of facilitating formulations that need renewing.

The greenhouse is overflowing with baby plants ready to get planted out. I am giving away trays of lettuce, kale, broccoli as fast as people show up! There are bags of Egyptian walking onions, garlic, sweet onions people have dropped off needing to get planted, potatoes ready to go in the earth, 40 strawberry plants needing their new bed, baskets of seed ready to be planted in the pots or the earth very SOON!

And so my computer time is about reading/responding to email, making labels and revisions to the website as needed and very little LJ and Friends time (unless you want to come over & help dig & plant & stir & label!)! so Hello and love to all & happiest of spring to my friends here. Forgive me my lack of presence & comment. Morning  quiet time over.. on my way out the door! peace & namaste to all! Enjoy your day!

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Current Mood: cheerful cheerful

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